


Tattered Love

by side_stickie_note (lost_stickie_note)



Series: Wait for Me [1]
Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Fluff, I've been obsessed with Seungyoun's tattoos, M/M, Mention of a suicide attempt, Tattoos, seungseok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-18 12:57:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20639552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lost_stickie_note/pseuds/side_stickie_note
Summary: [5+1] Five times Seungyoun gets tattoos after a heartbreak, and the one time he doesn't need to.[Part 2here]





	Tattered Love

**Author's Note:**

> Just had some inspo to write something short after seeing all of Seungyoun's tattoos. Everything is made up, though if anyone wants to drop the real reasons he got certain tats into my CC, I'd love to know. Working on some fluff and smut for Seungseok, hopefully coming soon? Might be starting an interactive Twitter AU revolving around Seungyoun soon. :)
> 
> A big thank you to my lovely beta readers. ♡
> 
> Any comments, kudos, and feedback are always appreciated!
> 
> Follow me on Twitter: [@sidestickienote](https://twitter.com/sidestickienote) for writing updates, randomness, or X1/kpop-related screaming, etc.

Seungyoun gets a tattoo after every breakup, sometimes one, sometimes two, inking the memory of something lost into his skin, a fleeting pain that marks a finality to each love, carrying a piece of each person with him forever.

\---

The first love was puppy love.

Seeing him walk through the door on the first day of school during homeroom period, Seungyoun had sworn it was love at first sight, immediately turning to his best friend and declaring that he was going to date the boy. It was less than a month after his 16th birthday, and Seungyoun had thought he had been so grown up, buying flowers for their first date, nervously trying to hold hands in the back of the movie theater, the buttered popcorn making both their fingers sticky. They had kissed for the first time that night, the other boy tasting both salty and sweet. What had ensued was a whirlwind romance, the two of them cutting classes in the afternoon to go to the mall, sneaking into his parents’ liquor cabinet and getting drunk, and giving blowjobs in the back of his dad’s car. Seungyoun had even asked the other boy to prom, pinning the corsage to his date’s suit.

There’s still pictures of that night in the family photo albums at his parent’s house, the two of them smiling together, Seungyoun in all black, the other boy in grey, matching green ties. At the time, Seungyoun had thought it was the greatest tragedy of his life that they had to break up. Neither of them really wanted to do long distance after getting into different universities, but he had wanted to _try_.

The other boy didn’t.

He found the other boy on social media a few years back, happily married to someone else. He’s seen the wedding pictures, and they’re beautiful.

Seungyoun had gone with his friends to the tattoo parlor, and his best friend had dragged him in before he could change his mind and chicken out.

It had been a stupid idea, more of a joke really, but peer pressure, you know?

His friends pushed for him to get a tattoo on his bicep, a concept he had found terribly cringe-worthy, instead settling for one on the back of his arm. A palm tree, the image of a paradise that he had to move on from. He had added on the tattoo to his upper back, a last minute decision. A reminder to keep his back ramrod straight and his head held high no matter what the future might hold. It had taken his mom exactly half an hour to find out about the tattoos, giving him the worst tongue-lashing of his life, taking away the keys to the car for a month.

And it didn’t work. He had still spent the next two weeks in bed before leaving for university crying until nothing was left, his eyes red and puffy at the dinner table every night. Back then, Seungyoun had thought nothing could be worse, the end of his world.

Two years after, he realized how stupid it was.

Now, maybe he thinks it’s just that he was a purer soul back then.

\---

The second love had only lasted five months, an overwhelming love.

His university self had looked back on his high school self and laughed at how stupid he had been.

Funny how that happens when people grow up. Seungyoun doesn’t think he’ll ever stop growing up.

The other boy had been two years older, a 4th year when Seungyoun was a 2nd year. Just on the precipice of graduating and getting a _real _job, and Seungyoun had found it so impressive, letting the other boy hit on him at a party. The other boy had thought he was too young at first, and Seungyoun had tried to do everything to prove him wrong. Maybe it had been stupid of him to try and take that wine tasting class to appear more “cultured” or buy a whole new set of clothes, his closet still filled with hoodies and cut-off t-shirts from high school.

Three weeks in, and he was already spending every night at the other boy’s place, completely smitten. Two months in and he was failing two classes, skipping studying every night to climb into the other boy’s bed, getting fucked until he couldn’t walk the next day.

He didn’t have to convince himself that it was love, just convince everyone else. At times, he was glad his roommate was his best friend, but this hadn’t been one of those times, his roommate had vehemently hated the other boy. And Seungyoun distinctly remembered having the hugest fight about it, all the little details lost to him now. Maybe he should have listened, but at the time he didn’t see it. Not until he tried to surprise the asshole after class one day and found him fucking someone else.

Seungyoun made up with his roommate the day after and had gone to get his third tattoo that very afternoon. He had fancied himself _introspective _back then, having just started making music, dedicating an extraordinary amount of time to writing down lyrics whenever he could, the scattered loose-leaf in their apartment driving his roommate nuts. He had explained to his roommate that the circle symbolized his own inner peace with the situation, everything coming around eventually for the beginning to meet the end. Something about karma or yin and yang.

Well, fuck if he knows what it means now, but at the time it had made sense.

In hindsight, maybe he should have thanked the asshole, spending the next few years throwing himself into everything he was passionate about and bettering himself along the way.

\---

The third was a comfortable and simple love.

He had met the other boy after frequenting his newly minted favorite restaurant, the only place decent around the workplace of his first job out of college. The other boy had waited tables there, always working whenever Seungyoun went. After the tenth time seeing him, he had finally gotten up the courage to ask. Turns out, the other boy was still in college, working part-time after classes ended to make money for his living expenses.

It took Seungyoun only two months to ask the other boy to move in together. And their time had been filled with watching television until they fell asleep in bed, lazy weekend mornings making breakfast, and late night shower fuckings. They never argued and always agreed on every philosophical discussion they had. It took two years for the other boy to fall out of love with him, keening for a spark that wasn’t there anymore.

And Seungyoun found for the first time, it was possible to be overly content.

His best friend had let him crash on the couch for the two months afterwards, waiting for Seungyoun’s lease to run out. He couldn’t bear being in the same bed they had shared anymore.

He got two tattoos that time, one year on each bicep, the years that his parents were born, a reminder that it _was _possible to be married and love someone forever.

Sometimes he still looks in the mirror and flexes, the numbers giving him a strength in a way.

\---

The fourth love was the most damaging.

Seungyoun had never thought that he would fall so hard and so fast, completely enamored with the other boy who was wrapped in a mystique that he couldn’t get enough of. He was _glamorous_. And Seungyoun had spent the next year or so attending fancy galas, rubbing shoulders with people who didn’t think twice about dropping a grand just on a night of drinking. And he had been so proud, so excited to be the one standing next to him, the thrill of each picture snapped appearing in those shitty gossip rags the next day giving him a high that even the drugs couldn’t.

But that type of love never lasts, their kisses and whispered words turning into wrecked hotel rooms, bleeding knuckles over punched holes in the wall, crashed sports cars. Their falling out had been very public, caught on video and uploaded to the internet for posterity.

Two goddamn million hits.

Sometimes he checks the video out, plays it to remind himself never again, but he can never finish it till the end.

He had ended up in the hospital, and the doctors told him he was lucky. Seungyoun hadn’t felt it though, wishing furiously that the pills had worked instead. His friends had all come around to visit, and Seungyoun was thankful they even cared still, especially after he had spent the last half year avoiding his better self, his best friend sending him fresh flowers every day to fill the room up with the smell of spring.

He hadn’t gotten the tattoos until months later. A gun on his hip, pointing downwards, a symbolic holster.

Because never again does he ever want to feel that way. And a sad plus a happy face on his arm, a clearly visible reminder that he’s made up of so much more than he thinks. His friends still rib him for the gun for being in a not-so-inconspicuous place. But they understand.

\---

The fifth love was no one’s fault.

Seungyoun had never been happier, meeting this new guy who worked in his building, a different company and floor thankfully, though he had always joked that their relationship was the workplace romance he had always wanted. They had bumped into each other grabbing coffee at the small café on the first floor, the other boy spotting him when he had forgotten his wallet, looking like a crazed person running late, his eyes threatening to close from lack of sleep. He hadn’t even thought to ask the other boy out until the profile had come up on his dating app randomly. His best friend had pushed him into a first date, insisting that he deserved to find happiness after his last breakup. Seungyoun had been tentative, wanting to take things slow, dipping his feet back into the dating pool cautiously.

And it was wonderful, no, the other boy was wonderful.

It wasn’t long before Seungyoun thought that he was the _one_.

The tattoo is on his ribcage, the spot where the other boy used to kiss him the most, the little cartoon figures of a family the other boy didn’t want.

\---

Seungyoun squirms as Wooseok traces his fingers over the ink on his skin, the light feathery touch over his ribcage tickling him. “You know, Seungyoun, I don’t think I ever asked about this one. Is it supposed to be a tattoo of your family?” Wooseok squints to look more carefully. “I mean, I was with you when you got all the other ones, but I don’t remember this one.”

“Yeah, you were on a business trip when I went to get this one.”

His best friend smiles at him. “Maybe you should have waited for me.”

_Maybe I should have._

“Do you think you’re going to get any more? I thought some of them were stupid when you got them before, but now they’re kind of hot.” Wooseok laughs before kissing his shoulder. “Sorry we were idiots and picked out a _palm tree _for your first tat back then.” Wooseok shrieks in protest as Seungyoun rolls over and nearly crushes him, letting Seungyoun pull him in closer for a kiss.

“No, I don’t think I will be.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments, kudos, and feedback are always appreciated!
> 
> Twitter: [@sidestickienote](https://twitter.com/sidestickienote)  
CuriousCat: [@sidestickienote](https://curiouscat.qa/sidestickienote)


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